do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
