There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
