my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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