So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
