every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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