her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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