i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
