Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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