The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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