Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
