drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
