apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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