Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
