it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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