Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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