she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The ass gains better be worth it
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