dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
