so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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