Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's official drugs can't kill me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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