I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
