She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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