I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
