Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
