so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize