I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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