Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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