seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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