I am in a vortex of obligation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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