when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize