Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
