dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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