my vag is so smooth its legendary
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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