i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
