Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Too much gin, very little bucket
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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