just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
