Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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