I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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