Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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