It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think my moral compass just broke
Drunk is a universal language darling
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
