Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
