Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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