isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
