Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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