I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
