Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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