hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
