Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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