Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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