the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
