Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
