Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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