i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I fill condoms, not promises.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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