They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
