im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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