East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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