McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
