i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
