u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
