i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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