Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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