i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
