I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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