i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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