Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize