Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
