Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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