You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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