Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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