I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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