dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I currently don't understand fingers.
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