Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
