3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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