How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
