Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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